On My Own

As I mentioned before, I am living at home at the age of 28. That's expected in a traditional Chinese family. I didn't realize just how traditional my parents were until I brought up my goal of saving money to buy a house for myself which engendered no words of encouragement. Instead, they said, "You're stupid. Don't expect us to help you. Even if we had the money, we wouldn't because buying a house is reserved for when you find a husband and want to get married."

I was shocked to say the least. I never expected my parents to help me financially. They are of modest means with my youngest sister still in college at a UC. However, the least I expected was emotional support. What about feeling pride that their daughter is taking responsibility for her own future? That she's making an adult decision?

This illustrates one again the chasm that exists between traditional Chinese culture and the American way. When I moved out at the age of 25 into my own apartment, my parents were upset. My dad did not speak to me for 6 months. When I told my boss, who's Caucasian, he thought their reaction was quite odd. He flipped cartwheels when his children moved out.

In some ways, my parents are surprisingly modern. They know their way around BitComet and want personalized ringtones on their cell phones, unlike many of their peers. In other ways, they are still "stuck in the mud". Like paying for a $18, 353 new car, embarrassingly, all in cash. They are not the stereotypical Chinese parents, never pushing us kids to become doctors, lawyers or play piano, only to do well in school and become an upstanding member of the workforce. On the other hand, they adhere to the old ways, especially concerning gender roles.

When it comes down to it, they object to me buying a house by myself because I'm female. In their way of thinking, a man should provide for me and it's silly for me to provide for myself. This is incomprehensible to me and, frankly, unacceptable. This is just another piece of the yoke I'm slaving off on my personal journey of independence. Sigh, it's tough to be the eldest daughter of first generation immigrants. I'm paving the road for my younger sisters and breaking my parents in for them. Lucky dogs. If and when my sisters decide to buy on their own, I bet my parents will barely bat an eye.

In light of my parents' revelation, I'm cutting up my credit cards and resolve to be less generous with my spending. I can't count on anyone but myself to achieve the dream of a house all my own.